Reflect on Your Past
More and more I realize how often life feels like a winding road, full of unexpected twists and turns. As I move through these moments of reflection, I'm learning to take a moment to look back and see how far I've come. As I reflect, I am aware that I need these beautiful reminders of how much stronger I am now. While it's comforting to look back on my past and notice how much I have come through, I am more aware that it's equally important, if not more, to keep my eyes on what's right in front of me.
Glancing back on those moments in my life where I was battling to survive cancer or past traumas with violence, I can see how I coped through my own fears and doubts with faith. With each tear I cried, I felt a bit better afterward, and I now understand how all of these challenging moments played such a significant role in shaping me into who I am today. I could not do the work I do now without having gone through all that. Reflecting on life has value when we can take something of worth from those times of pondering.
Just glancing at the moments when I was battling to survive and coping through my own fears and doubts, I can see how each tear I cried and every challenge I took on played a role in shaping who I am today. There were many sleepless nights worrying about what the future might hold, and countless prayers I whispered in the night. Those nights were almost always brightened up for me the next morning. As the sunlight peeked through the curtains, I felt new hope with the realization of an inner strength I sometimes forgot I had within me. I know my capacity to endure, to persevere, and to find hope even in the darkest times has grown so much over the years.
While my past is a part of what made me into a strong woman, living fully in the present is what shapes my future. It’s easy to get lost in the memories of what was or could have been, but what truly matters is what I do right now. There were many times I got lost in my thoughts of past regrets and future uncertainties. It felt like a downward spiral, dragging me into a place where I felt completely out of control and lost. We all have those moments where the shift in our perception is so profound that you hope it stays with you.
On one such early morning, I was sitting cozied up on my favorite porch swing with my dog Angelo just watching the sunrise through the cottonwood tree, as the birds were singing and flitting from branch to branch without anxiety pressing on them. I saw a doe grazing under the crabapple tree with her two fawns and a cat dart across the yard, just doing life for the day. Do they obsess over the past? Do they worry about the future? Probably not. I realized in that moment that this present moment held all the power. The past is something to peek back at, but each day brings a fresh opportunity for me to make choices that serve God's purpose for my life and fulfill my dreams. This revelation has profoundly touched me, shifting how I perceive life. It has given me a greater sense of purpose and far more gratitude for everything I’ve experienced, all of which have brought me to this moment.
I remember a specific moment when I was sitting in a small chapel at the Riverside Mission Inn. I was getting married in a few months, and my Dad was very sick with cancer and nearing his time to step into heaven. It tore me up, being torn by the sadness of him not being able to be there and the joy of the blessing of marrying Michael and spending the rest of my life with him. I felt the cruelty and joy all mixed up inside me. I prayed, feeling overwhelmed by the unknown. In that moment, as my perception shifted, I felt a peace I hadn't felt in a long time. By focusing on the present, I began to see the small, everyday miracles that had happened in my life and the ones that were happening around me—whether it was kind words from a stranger, a comforting song on the stereo, or the simple happiness I get from a warm cup of tea in a pretty floral cup while reading my devotionals. These moments reminded me that living fully in the present is what shapes my future.
As I look ahead, I understand that some things that never worked out as I planned ended up being the best for me, better than I could have imagined. For example, I once wanted a home desperately, and when I didn't get it, I was sad. But later, I ended up in a home I never dreamed of living in. By embracing these unexpected blessings, I can face life's uncertainties with a sense of calm and trust. For me, hope is tied to my faith. It's the belief that no matter what lies ahead, there is a divine plan unfolding. Trusting in this higher purpose gives me the courage to step into the future with confidence and optimism.
Throughout this path, being kind to myself is crucial. It’s easy to be hard on myself for past mistakes or future uncertainties, but treating myself with kindness and understanding makes all the difference. When I approach myself with love and compassion, I create a nurturing environment for growth and healing.
I remind myself that it’s okay to take things one step at a time. Celebrating my progress, no matter how small, and being gentle with myself along the way, has been a key part of my journey. My path is uniquely mine, and every step forward is a testament to my inner strength.
Another instance that stands out is when I felt utterly defeated after a tough day. Instead of berating myself for what I couldn't change, I chose to acknowledge the effort I had put in and took a moment to appreciate how far I had come. It was a small step, but it made a huge difference in how I viewed my progress. I remember sitting down with a cup of tea, reflecting on the day's events, and realizing that even on the hardest days, I was still moving forward.
As I continue on this path, I cherish the past, live fully in the present, and look forward to the future with hope and faith. I know by staying grounded in the moment and treating ourselves with compassion, that we can handle life's challenges and triumphs with confidence.
