Love May Feel Hard to Accept — Yet God Loves You Always
Love May Feel Hard to Accept — Yet God Loves You Always
Hurtful words that hurt the most aren't always what others say to us—it’s what we say to ourselves.
We don’t lie to ourselves because we’re trying to be dishonest. We do it because somewhere along the way, we forgot the truth of who we were when we were little—before life started shaping us. As children, we didn’t second-guess our worth. We believed we were loved, that we belonged. But over time, we picked up messages—maybe from a parent, a teacher, or the world around us—that made us question that. And those doubts are where the lies began. As Christians, we know lying is a sin. For every lie spoken aloud, countless more build up inside.
The Words We Speak to Ourselves
How do you feel when someone criticizes you—especially when you’re already doing your best? It hurts. Now think about how often we do that to ourselves without even realizing it. The self-criticism. The old messages we’ve carried. They chip away at our identity, distort how we see ourselves, and make it harder to feel truly loved or worthy of trust.
It separates us from God. Self-criticism pulls us away from the truth of who He is and who He says we are. We forget that we were made in His image—fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). When we speak against ourselves, we’re not just being hard on ourselves—we’re rejecting the work of His hands. God does not make mistakes. The more we believe those inner accusations, the further we drift from our Creator and the knowing of how priceless we truly are.
We are God’s creation, and to speak against ourselves isn’t something to take lightly. His love is felt most deeply by those who are willing to be kind to themselves. If God says, “Treat others the way we want to be treated” — Luke 6:31 — then we need to extend that same care to our own thoughts. We can be harsher with ourselves than anyone else ever could. The greatest love is to love who God created—with honesty and grace. That is the foundation of every healthy, respectful relationship.
Self-criticism works like a slow poison. Over time, that voice in your head convinces you you’re less than who God says you are. It twists the truth and tells you you’re undeserving of love—until one day, you look in the mirror and don’t recognize the woman staring back.
Breaking free from this starts with facing those beliefs—especially the ones that came from someone you trusted. It takes strength to admit they’re still affecting you. Parents make mistakes, too. Forgiving them isn’t about saying what happened was okay. It’s about choosing to stop carrying what was never meant to be yours.
When those lies have taken root and tangled in your soul like weeds with thorns, even a small criticism can feel unbearable. But it’s not what the other person said—it’s what was already there, already hurting. They didn’t plant it. They just brushed up against what had been growing for years. But once you pull that weed, those words won’t grab hold anymore. They’ll fall flat—because they no longer match what you believe about yourself.
We have to be honest with ourselves. Most people don’t even realize when those beliefs began. Sometimes they were things we misunderstood, or things said in a moment that stuck to us. Over time, they shaped how we think, how we act, and what we believe we deserve. And we carry them—sometimes for decades—without knowing they’re the reason we can’t fully enjoy our lives or relationships.
And Then Something Begins to Shift
Some of what holds us back was passed down. When you break that pattern, it can feel unfamiliar at first. But the freedom it brings is real. It takes courage, and it takes patience with yourself. The hardest beliefs to challenge are the ones that feel normal. You might not even notice how often you tear yourself down until you try to stop.
Self-compassion is a wonderful thing—but when you’re not used to it, it can feel unfamiliar at first. To own this new perspective can feel like stepping into a new identity. You might even wonder, Am I really that lovable? That doesn’t mean it’s wrong. It means you’re learning to see yourself the way God has seen you all along. And like anything new, it takes practice.
When those thoughts start to lift, something softens inside you. You’re not trying so hard to protect yourself anymore—which means you’re not so quick to get defensive. You begin to feel more at peace with who you are and the choices you’ve made. You start to understand what healthy boundaries really look like—not as walls, but as ways to honor yourself. You’re no longer living to please everyone. You matter to you. You don’t question love the same way. You let it in—maybe a little at a time—but you let it in. And the people who care about you can sense your new self-respect. Something’s changed.
Friendship Between Women
If another woman—someone you trust and consider a close friend—says, “I love you,” and it makes you uncomfortable, pay attention to that. Don’t judge it—just get curious. That reaction often reveals two things: what you believe about yourself, and how much love you’re used to receiving. Ask yourself: Where did that feeling inside me—this discomfort in hearing “I love you”—come from?
“I love you.” Those words don’t just carry meaning—they carry history. They hold all the ways love has been expressed in our lives, and how it’s been received. Sometimes they’re shaped by our past, sometimes by how someone reacts in the moment. I’ve said those words to close friends—women who’ve stood by me, walked through life with me—and I’ve seen how hard it can be for some to receive it. One of us is extending love the best way she knows how. The other is receiving it from the place she feels safe. And there’s nothing wrong with either one. It just means we’re in different places. Both deserve grace.
Over the years, I’ve come to realize that my own discomfort was tied to whether I truly trusted love—especially if I’d been hurt in the past by someone who once said they loved me. Whether it was a family member, a friend, or someone I cared about deeply—if trust was broken, I carried that. And when that happens, we have to start with ourselves again—learning to feel worthy of love all over again.
Absorbing love like that can feel awkward—especially if you’ve spent years learning how to live without it. When you’re used to being strong for everyone else, it’s hard to know how to receive something so tender. You might feel exposed, like you’re letting your guard down without knowing if it’s safe. I had to learn how to say those words genuinely, without wondering how it made me look. I love my friends. And saying it may be a gift they’re not ready to receive—but it’s still a gift. It is a gift to be loved.
If you’re still learning like I was, it’s okay. You’re not alone.
Receiving God’s Love Again
If God is love—and He is—then we have to ask ourselves why we don’t always feel it. The truth is, He hasn’t stepped away. But sometimes, we have. When we distance ourselves from God’s love, we also close off our hearts to the love He places in our lives through others. It’s a spiritual connection. And when we begin to accept His love again—not just know it, but feel it—we start to receive love more freely from the people who genuinely care for us.
If you’re struggling to believe it, that’s okay. Becoming aware of how you speak to yourself is the first step. That awareness is a gift. You can ask God to help others, too—to see themselves clearly and remember who they are. To God, we are all still learning. You don’t have to prove anything to Him. You are already deeply loved. Thank Him for that.
If someone brings truth into your life—with care—and your first reaction is to feel defensive, it might be because you’ve already been hard on yourself. That kind of honesty can feel uncomfortable. But it’s often the discomfort that leads to growth.
God never planted shame in your mind. That came from somewhere else. The enemy wants to tear down your worth. God wants to remind you of it. Let go of the words that were never yours. You don’t have to fight them anymore.
People who criticize without compassion were often criticized themselves. They carry their own wounds. But you don’t have to carry theirs anymore.
I’ve seen this pattern in so many of the women I’ve worked with. They’re strong, brave, and loving—but deep down, they’re tired. Tired of feeling not enough. Tired of trying to earn love that was already theirs.
I’ve known women who tried everything to be loved—who gave more than they had, stayed when it hurt, apologized for things that weren’t their fault, kept quiet to keep the peace. They forgave quickly, showed up fully, and still... they were betrayed. Not just once. Sometimes again and again. By people who said, “I love you,” and then turned cold. Or cruel. Or walked away when it mattered most.
And after that, even the hint of love—whether genuine or not—can feel suspicious. Because if you’ve been tricked once, how do you trust yourself to know the difference? It’s not just the love you question—it’s your own ability to tell what’s safe.
I’ve felt that too. When someone says, “I love you,” and all you can hear is the echo of someone else in your past who once said it—and then it broke your heart. That kind of wound doesn’t fade easily.
But I want you to hear this, because it’s true: there was never anything wrong with you. You didn’t fail. You didn’t deserve to be broken down just to be loved. Real love doesn’t work like that. And love—real love—is patient. It’s understanding. It makes room for discernment. If they truly love you, they’ll understand why you need time to feel safe again—even if it takes your lifetime.
Shannon Knight
