Heroine’s Journey
From Trials to Triumph: My Journey of Faith and Resilience
Note: This story contains references to experiences of trauma and being a victim of crime. No matter how dark the journey, there is always a light at the end. This is my story of finding that light through faith and resilience. If you are struggling, know that hope and healing are possible.
A Preface of Strength and Resilience
Many people know me for surviving stage IV breast cancer without chemotherapy. Instead of accepting the prognosis of only months to live from doctors at UCLA, I made the courageous decision to cross the border into Mexico for alternative cancer treatments. This decision was not made lightly but came from a place of deep faith and inner strength. It was a battle that required every ounce of courage and resilience I had been building throughout my life. Little did I know, my previous experiences had been preparing and training me for this ultimate fight for my life.
Facing Impossible Challenges
Can you recall a time when you faced a challenge that felt impossible to overcome? Maybe you felt abandoned or questioned why it was happening to you. In those moments, it can be hard to see the bigger picture, but looking back often reveals how God was guiding and supporting us.
A New Identity for Safety
In 2000, I was placed in a victim of crime program for my own safety. I had to change my identity—my name, social security number, and everything familiar to me—I moved 1,000 miles away from everything I knew and everyone I loved. I had been a victim of sexual assault and then became a target of stalking, which escalated to a threat on my life. The trauma left me with nightmares of the perpetrator and a constant state of fear. I felt so alone and unsure of what to do with my life. I began experiencing panic attacks, overwhelmed by the fear and uncertainty. When selecting my new name, I chose Shannon Knight as a reminder to always "put on the full armor of God."
"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes." (Ephesians 6:10-11)
This became my shield, my strength, and my declaration of faith.
The Sense of Loss
Imagine the profound sense of loss and disorientation that comes with being uprooted from your life. The name you have known all your life, the name your loved ones call you, is suddenly taken away. Your social security number, your identity in so many systems, is erased. You are no longer the person you were yesterday. This change is not just a bureaucratic adjustment; it feels like losing a part of your soul. The name you had carried, which held memories, personal significance, and familial ties, is gone. You feel like you’ve lost a piece of yourself.
Isolation and Culture Shock
Moving 1,000 miles away, the sense of isolation is overwhelming. You are in a new place, unfamiliar and strange. The culture is different, and there are no familiar faces. The comfort of family and friends, those you leaned on for support, is now out of reach. The simple, everyday interactions that once grounded you are no longer there. You feel adrift, unmoored from everything that gave you a sense of belonging.
There’s a constant undercurrent of fear. The reason for your relocation, the threat that forced this drastic change, hangs over you. Every unfamiliar face is a potential threat, and you find yourself looking over your shoulder, anxious and tense. The new identity is supposed to protect you, but it also reminds you of the danger you are escaping from.
Living a Lie
The loneliness is profound. You miss everyone—family, friends, neighbors. The people who knew you already, who trusted you, who understood your quirks, who loved you unconditionally. Every day feels like a struggle to maintain a facade of normalcy while internally, you feel like you’re falling apart. There’s no one to share your fears with, no one to comfort you when the nights get too long and dark.
The culture shock adds another layer of difficulty. Simple tasks become monumental challenges when you don’t know the norms or expectations. You feel out of place, a stranger in a strange land, trying to navigate an unfamiliar world without a map.
Every time someone asked my name, I felt a pang of deceit. My character is sincere, and I value honesty deeply. But my whole life was a lie for my safety. My mind was confused, and my heart would break. Even my soul screamed inside, longing to tell the truth to every new friend I made. The weight of living a lie for protection was a constant burden, tearing at my sense of self.
Rebuilding a Life
You question your decision, wondering if there could have been another way. The sense of being lost is not just physical; it’s emotional and spiritual. You wonder how you will ever rebuild your life from this point. The future seems uncertain and bleak, and the weight of starting over feels crushing.
In the midst of this, choosing a new name becomes a small but significant act of defiance and hope. Shannon Knight is not just a name; it’s a reminder of strength and resilience. "Put on the full armor of God," you tell yourself, clinging to your faith as your steadfast defense in the chaos of battle. This name becomes a shield, a source of inner strength, and a declaration of your will and faith to survive and fight back against the forces that sought to destroy you, even when all seemed lost. This armor might have been getting chinked, but I still wore it everywhere I went.
This name change is both an end and a beginning. It marks the loss of your former self but also the birth of a new identity forged in the fires of adversity. It’s a promise to yourself that you will not be defeated, that you will rise above the circumstances that tried to break you. It’s a symbol of your determination to protect yourself, to reclaim your life, and to find a way to heal and move forward.
Returning Home
In 2009, I received a letter from Victims of Crime informing me that it was safe to return home. I was happy and anxious to rebuild the life I had and reunite with the people I had missed so dearly. The authorities deemed it safe, and I was filled with joy. But with the joy came new fears attached once again to my identity. Those I loved and missed now acted as if nothing had happened, wanting me to go back to who I was before. Legally, I could not return to my old identity, and emotionally, I was no longer the same person. All of the people whom I loved and missed now, without realizing it, posed a new challenge for me to adapt. It was as if I had to rebuild my life again, but this time among those who didn't fully understand the depth of my transformation and the new legal constraints on my identity.
Talking about sexual assault and stalking was incredibly difficult, just as breast cancer was. I was afraid of the unknown. Would they judge me? Would they gossip? Even saying the words felt awkward and brought on intense anxiety. How do you explain when people ask what they think is an innocent question about my name that is actually a fully loaded question? I loved these people very much, but I also did not want to be vague because it diminished the gravity of what I went through, which is why anyone would ever go through an identity change.
Overcoming Cancer
Have you ever felt like life was punishing you? Like you’ve been pushed down one too many times, and getting up feels impossible? It's normal to question our decisions. I did, wondering how I could have done things differently or if I could go back in time. But we can't. We have to push through, and it hurts. It's easy to wonder why such hardships arise, but these moments can become our greatest sources of strength and resilience. Each struggle, every moment of fear and self-doubt, is part of a larger picture. By giving our pain and struggles to God, we find healing and growth.
"I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears." (Psalm 34:4)
This scripture reminds us that when we turn to God in our darkest times, He listens and delivers us from our fears. It's a testament to the power of faith in overcoming life's adversities.
In 2006, I was diagnosed with stage III breast cancer. It was a shock, and I felt lost. The bilateral mastectomy I had to undergo took a great toll on me, both physically and emotionally. I felt like I had lost another part of myself, a part that was deeply tied to my femininity. The weight of these trials felt unbearable, and it was hard to see beyond the pain. Honestly, it wasn't until I got through everything that I began to reflect and realized that God had a greater plan for me. He was revealing the deeper purpose my life held as I pushed through these trials.
The easier story for me to tell, to help others, was the one most talked about everywhere—cancer. I hid the other one, void of details. I could write a book about it, but it was easier to talk about cancer. People wondered how I got the courage to be open about it. Well, it was the lesser of all I went through.
Strength in the Face of Adversity
Have you ever felt like enough is enough and that you could not handle any more? I have, and every time I think I can't take any more, something would happen to prove otherwise. In 2010, I experienced a devastating recurrence of cancer at stage IV and was given only months to live. Again, the question "Why me?" surfaced, and the path ahead felt like an impossible mountain to climb. I was told that my prognosis was grim because I could not undergo chemotherapy due to the advanced nature of my cancer. But here I am today, proof that God has a plan for our lives and it was not to die in 2010. Throughout these battles, it was crucial to remember the truth and hold onto it with everything I had. Even when I felt utterly alone, God would find ways to remind me of His presence and promises. Sometimes someone had just the right word for me, or I would open a devotional book and find a message that spoke directly to my heart. These moments were my lifeline, anchoring me in God’s love and faithfulness.
Empathy Through Trials
Many who serve as advocates, counselors, and volunteers are trusted because they have faced similar or even more severe trials. There’s a unique bond that forms when someone truly understands your pain because they have walked that path themselves. Their experiences have shaped them into strong, compassionate individuals who can genuinely support others. This empathy is not a coincidence but a gift that comes from their journey through pain and healing.
Finding Purpose in Pain
We all have stories. Our identity can sometimes get wrapped up in one significant event, but we know there is more that has shaped us. Each of our experiences, whether painful or joyful, contributes to who we are. God uses these experiences to shape and prepare us for our unique purpose.
Have you ever wondered when and how God will use you? We may not even realize the moments we have been instrumental in helping others. Perhaps during cancer treatment, I spoke to someone who was terrified, offering her comfort and strength to face her own battle. In those moments, God was using me in ways I might not even see.
We can often be very hard on ourselves, thinking of how we could have done something differently. There might be moments when fear and self-criticism seem overwhelming. But as we continue to grow in faith, these feelings can be replaced with self-compassion and a deeper understanding of our purpose. Each step, no matter how small, brings us closer to healing and fulfilling God’s purpose for our lives.
"God comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God." (2 Corinthians 1:4)
This verse highlights the purpose behind our suffering – to offer comfort and support to others going through similar trials.
Triumphant and Strong
Today, I am stronger, a victim no more, and I find genuine joy in helping other women, especially in holding on to their faith. Look at how far you have come. Glance back to recognize your own strength. Each trial, each hardship, equips us with the unique ability to offer empathy, support, and strength that only someone who has walked a similar path can provide.
If you are reading this and are going through something extremely difficult, please know that your pain is valid and your journey is respected. You do not have to feel regret or lose hope. Even in the darkest moments, you are not alone. There is hope and healing through faith. Our shared experiences connect us in resilience and hope. Hold on to your faith and remember that each step forward, no matter how small, brings you closer to healing and fulfilling your purpose.
To the woman reading this who feels like she cannot go on, please know that I am with you in spirit. I understand the depth of your pain and the weight of your struggle. But also know that you are stronger than you realize, and your faith can carry you through. Allow yourself to be embraced by God's love and the support of those who care for you. You are cherished, and your journey, no matter how difficult, is part of a greater story of resilience and hope.The most extraordinary people I know are ones who have a story of overcoming the most trying circumstances.
