Embracing Authenticity Self-Acceptance
Happy New Year!
I am reflecting on the last two weeks and I realize something so life-changing and profound. I don't know what will come of it, but I am smiling in the middle of chaos and with an unknowing of what lays ahead this year. I feel peace, hope and love. Me and my husband just celebrated our 4th anniversary and I know that marrying him was the best thing for me to return to who I am without worrying about people-pleasing. Each year I recognize myself a little more. I used to cry (I mean this in a good way) I could not for years and now, I feel a softer side returning after so long.
For the first time, I realize that I need to grieve, truly grieve, for the period in my life that lasted a couple of decades. It's the time when I felt like I was slowly losing myself. I allowed fear to consume me, battling everything internally, and struggling to define my identity to others. I worried about meeting the expectations of friends and family, fearing their judgment if things didn't turn out as they wished. This excessive worrying led me to lose my authenticity for a significant period of time.
Temporary trials and deceitful narratives may briefly tarnish our self-perception, but I remain resolute in my identity. Particularly in the past two days, I have been reminded of the abundance of happiness I truly deserve. Though not always effortless to embrace, it seems I have finally unlocked the secret to prolonging my experience of joy and gratitude.I accept who I am. I will never be any of you, and no one will ever be me. We are all so unique, and I am GLAD we are. I have amazing friends and family, and I will not buy into a bad version of someone else's perception of me ever again. I will listen and understand that we all see differently depending on where we are on that leg of our journey in life.
I feel the same as when I was 16: a little goofy, sensitive, brave, and inquisitive. I liked me. I lived carefree, but I was also considerate and respectful. I broke the rules and learned lessons, but it did not mean I was bad. I know who I am. I had dreams that seemed possible. I believed in the biggest kind of love and felt I deserved it.
It hit me so hard tonight, maybe it was the new year, or just so much loss, to show me how short life is and to see the preciousness in each other. As I cried, it was the first time I felt happiness and sadness at the same time. I felt a lie slipping away and love taking its place. I mean God's love. I felt loved, and I saw me again. I had no more tears for a broken heart, for death, for loneliness, or any of the things that bring any of us to tears. I felt fear going away and being replaced with peace.
I now feel like I was never lost, but rather ignoring who I was so long ago. I am not ashamed of my tears, laughter, frustration, or anger. I feel blessed to "FEEL." I have been journaling so much more and praying intensely. I have so much love in my heart, and it does not stay confined inside. I feel free – unstuck – and I do not need approval from anyone. I no longer feel horrible if anyone disapproves of me.
You still have room for dreams and the right to be hopeful. You are so unique and do not need to worry if you stack up to someone else. You never will, that's how unique you are! There is never going to be another you. So, be great at being you!
I did not want to lose this feeling, and I hope it helps even one person who has been criticized or judged by loved ones. If you feel pulled in different directions and find you might not be able to please everyone, stop.
Pray and be you. Grab a journal and write everything you know about who you are, your hopes, and dreams. Write it all down, even if it takes days to figure out. Your identity resides within your soul and is waiting for direction, so go for everything you deserve and LOVE. Don't judge others because they are not like you. You can use discernment but live a life true and happy.
