Happily Ever After
Finding Love After Tragedy: A Story of Hope and Healing
I always knew I needed to write my story to bring hope to those who felt finding love after coping with so much tragedy or misfortune might seem impossible. I went through that. There had been such a tragic motif running through my life for a couple of decades, I just knew my story couldn’t end like this. Our life journey has value, and we have blessings along the way, even if life seems so unfair! I needed to learn self-compassion, and I had to remind myself of my worth according to God. To find happily ever after, we must feel deserving of it. If we are kicking ourselves constantly while we are already down from past traumatic events in our lives, how can we? We can’t.
The only way to ensure that negative experiences from my past would not affect my ability to have a healthy and happy relationship in the future was to heal old wounds. I realized that trying to “think my way out” of past traumatic events and putting them on the back burner for many years was not the best approach. Rather than criticizing or shaming myself, I needed to reflect and review past relationships from a new perspective.
Learning to trust myself was the first step to getting guidance from someone I could trust. My final approach that proved successful was getting help from a counselor who specialized in PTSD and a life coach who also understood PTSD. Getting my education and certification to become a life coach was the most beneficial thing I did for myself. A person's self-perception affects how they think about others. Marriage came after a long process of learning my value and feeling worthy of compassion from a man.
To approach romance and love with a healthy mindset, I needed help resolving past trauma. It would take time to unlearn deeply ingrained thought patterns, and I knew it would be an ongoing process if I ever wanted to start living my best life. While I wasn't actively seeking a romantic relationship, dealing with past trauma helped me become stronger and more confident. You can learn to let go of harsh and critical mindsets if you've ever felt you weren't deserving of love. I finally did after two decades of putting myself through the false beliefs of what I thought I did not deserve. We all deserve love.
I am happy now, and I feel it is important to share the good times of my life if I am to share the traumatic events that took place. Michael and I have our own love story, which is valuable. We know God reunited us, and we want to bring hope to anyone who feels they do not deserve the greatest love or feel it is impossible because they were too damaged by past traumatic events.
On December 3, 2019, We Married
“Creating a Life of Love, Trust, and Gratitude:
Our Journey to "Happily Ever After"
Michael and I made a covenant as husband and wife for eternity. My husband's trust in me is the best gift I have ever received. One of the most important elements of commitment is trust. The quality of our relationship would deteriorate without trust. When you are halfway through the video, right when the "Me and You song ends, there is a beautiful surprise from my husband and my dad; he was battling cancer and had only months to live. Michael recorded a special wedding toast from dad to present on our wedding day. It felt like dad was with us!
Our home is a happy environment, and I thank God for every blessing. I strategically began placing positive, loving notes to myself as reminders on my walls so my perspective would start changing. The messages we believe are our reality, and we must be mindful of that. Our minds are active and constantly thinking. l have many positive messages in “our home.” to remind us that we deserve the happiness that will last forever and always to be grateful and live a life we love.
The Magic of Our Love Story
Our love story began in 1993 when we first looked into each other's eyes. We were young and saw each other across a crowded room. Michael asked me to dance, and as soon as we held hands, our souls collided. The first time we met, there were many synchronicities and feelings we couldn't describe. We already knew each other as if it was not our first encounter. We knew it without any words spoken. Joy, trust, and harmony all shifted in our hearts. As the relationship developed, we were more than comfortable with one another; we could be ourselves around each other. Our conversation continued for hours, and I was pleased with him even when we were not saying anything. Silence and breaks in conversations with others usually feel awkward. Not with us. There wasn't much we couldn't talk about.
The Unexpected Journey: Love, Loss, and Triumph
One day, I received a call from a woman I didn't know. She claimed to live in Wisconsin, the same place where Michael used to reside. Shockingly, she informed me that they were engaged. Bewildered, I confronted Michael about it, only for him to adamantly deny ever proposing to anyone. He insisted that the woman was lying. Michael had a stable job in California, and everything seemed fine on the surface. However, I couldn't fully comprehend the practicality of the situation. Past experiences of divorce and betrayal had left me guarded, causing me to project my fears onto him.
As it turned out, the woman who called was someone Michael had dated during his time in Wisconsin. She appeared to be vindictive and out to cause trouble. Perhaps, if I had given Michael a chance and sought support from his family, we could have found a way to work things out. Unfortunately, in the heat of the moment, I made the decision to cut off all contact with him. Looking back, I can't help but wonder if things would have been different had I handled the situation with more openness and understanding.
Michael was brokenhearted; he respected my wishes and was gone. My heart felt like it was ripped in half. It changed me. Life’s journey challenged both of us. We coped and faced adversity because of our faith in God; He lit our path. We made decisions we regret, and things happened to us that we never saw coming. Michael experienced a significant loss when he lost his brother in a fatal plane crash and his father in an accident. I wish I could have been there to comfort him. Michael went through his trials, and I wish we both could have been there for each other. He was in a bad car accident; he was hit by a semi-truck and woke up in the hospital, paralyzed from his waist down. The doctors told him it would be unlikely he would ever walk again. Michael rehabilitated himself, and with determination, he was walking again.
I went through failed relationships and later became a victim of a crime. I was relentlessly stalked and sexually assaulted by two men and went through so much additional stress later in an attempt to stay safe. For my protection, I had to relocate and change my identity. It was so difficult not having any of my life history to rely on to help with gaining new employment, being unable to refer to any of my college transcripts and work history, and missing the security and closeness of friends and family. Later I went through stage 3 breast cancer and then a recurrence of stage 4 breast cancer while coping with domestic violence from my husband in 2010. UCLA gave me 31 12 months to live, and I didn’t know which would kill me first. I never gave up and went to CMN Hospital in San Luis, MX, to try advanced alternative cancer treatment, which ultimately saved my life in 2011. I’ve never had a recurrence since then.
Michael looked for me later in life. With my new name and relocation it was very challenging for Michael to find me, but he did! The modern advancements we have with technology have been a blessing in reuniting us.
Reunited after 25 years
God can bring two people back together, and He showed us regardless of what we cannot do, He can! One day, I went to my old Facebook account to retrieve some photos. There was a message from a man I did not know who had let Michael borrow his account to write me a letter; he wrote wishing me and my kids a Merry Christmas. I did not get it for over a year after he wrote it. I was in shock and thought this couldn’t be possible. I can’t explain all I felt because it was a combination of realization, longing, and sorrow. All these emotions were triggered by a letter. My curiosity pushed me to write him at the email address he sent me. I called him on the phone number he sent me. Hearing each other’s voices on the phone felt familiar. I wanted to climb through that phone and be back in his arms. It was four years after that phone call before we finally reunited with each January 1st, 2018 after being apart for 25 years. We saw each other on Facetime; thank God for moder technology!
We sometimes look back on our life experiences; we spent a little time feeling regret and shed tears. Now that we are together we remind each other of what matters most. “We have each other now. “We find the blessings and appreciate our union more than ever. All our adversity was how God prepared us for the greatest love. Together we love and serve God.
I can’t stop thanking Michael for continuing to search for me and for God’s remarkable timing. Michael and I have beautiful memories that keep adding up. He is a strong, compassionate husband. Thank you for being a man of faith who loves God as much as I do. Michael, thank you for being playful, patient, kind, and a safe person in my life. PTSD triggers still happen to me, and you are gracious with me; the best husband I could ever dream of having.